so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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