I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize