i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
