i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
