All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
