She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
