Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
