so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
