I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
