I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He passed out mid-signature
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
