Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
