My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
