the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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