I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
