I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
