hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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