I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
