Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize