I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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