Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize