I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
