I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
