can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize