i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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