After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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