what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
