please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
