He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
