You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
