you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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