My liver just broke up with me...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
