someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
