you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
