forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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