i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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