I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
