Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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