Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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