I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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