is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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