He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
