dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
