i think my mom watched the whole time
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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