sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
