i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
