I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
