I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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