then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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