I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
