Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
