So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
