whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
