am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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