Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize