I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Even my vagina gasped.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
