Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
