Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need moral support for this bender
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
