I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
