so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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