hotel room ftw
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
