so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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