a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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