So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize
