i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
