you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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