Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
