I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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