I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
