I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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