forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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