They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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