Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
