Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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