Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
