i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
