then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
