It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
