apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize