He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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