I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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