Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
