D3 body, D1 cock
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You are the jesus of drinking
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
