i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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