I'm going to rape someone's good day.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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