My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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