i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
