Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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