I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
