ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
