Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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