Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
