You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
