i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
