I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How naked do you want me to be?
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