I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
