His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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