I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
