I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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