I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
