I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize