and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
