I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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