i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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